After the storm with Alex Walsh – Brendan Higgins

By Brendan Higgins, contributing writer

Oh, can’t you see the morning after?

It’s waiting right outside the storm.

~ Maureen McGovern ~

     We all experience tragedies. Life on life’s terms. No one gets a free pass. The trauma and grief during and after life altering events are immeasurable. For Alexandra Walsh, it could be said that she has experienced enough tragedy for ten lifetimes. She demonstrated tremendous courage and grace meeting with me for this interview. She spoke openly and honestly about what happened around her over the past decade. This story is about a woman left to pick up the pieces in her life.

     Alex grew up in Richmond. She is the oldest of three girls with sisters, Bethany and Caroline. Her parents, Ted and Gayle, split up when she was in the seventh grade, but they were both very much in her life. She recalled, “When my mother was working at night my dad would come over and stay with us.” Alex was as all-American a girl as it gets. She graduated from Chariho High School in 1993. She attended CCRI for a few years. She explained, “Formal Education has never been a favorite thing of mine. I went to Catholic school from preschool until eighth grade. It just wasn’t for me. I enjoyed public school much more. In my second year at CCRI, I just stopped going at one point.” The irony of this was seeing, firsthand, just how brilliant Alex is. She continued, “I’ve been working since I was 14 years old. I’ve been in the restaurant industry ever since. I worked in various locations bartending and serving.”

     When Alex was attending high school, she already had a strong work ethic. While her friends were going home after school, Alex had a much different agenda. She was driving over the Newport Bridge to work on the Island. She broke into the Business bussing tables. From there she would embark on a career working at some of the most popular restaurants in Newport. She said, “I really love meeting people and getting to know them.”

     Alex lived at home until she was 21. She moved to Wakefield with roommates for about a year before making the exciting move to live in Newport. She recalled, “I got my own one bedroom apartment in Newport which was sick. It was right on Broadway. I lived right above The Tavern on Broadway for about two years. It was pretty crazy. I was 22 years old. I never knew what was going to happen when I opened the door and stepped outside. I was bartending at Poor Judgement which was literally five doors down from my apartment.”

     Alex was exposed to some extreme trauma during this time of her life. She explained, “I was dating a guy who was not a good choice for me. He was partying way too much. We lived right across the street from each other. We were dating, then we broke up. We were both at the same party one night and he was being really belligerent. He tried to force me to come home with him, but I wouldn’t go. I went home instead. When I got home I felt bad and ended up going to check on him. I knew the key code and let myself in. When I went inside I found him hanging. I was able to cut him down, and saved his life. The paramedics told me if it had been even 30 seconds later, he probably would have suffered brain damage, or died. Finding him like that made me realize how it affects everyone around someone harming themselves. I had suffered from depression prior to this happening but after this experience, I added anxiety to the mix. The anxiety has stuck around with me since then.”

     After that experience, Alex continued on with her life. She went to work at Arcadia Pizza in West Greenwich. This job turned out to be a great fit and also a long term position. They did a high volume of take out during the pandemic and Alex and her coworkers never missed a beat during that time. While most people were being thrown for a loop, life felt pretty comfortable and normal for Alex because she was working every day.

     During this time, her youngest sister Caroline was attending the University of Kentucky. Unlike Alex, Caroline wanted to be in school. She was in a sorority at one of the largest universities in the country. Caroline had a boyfriend who was in a fraternity. According to Alex, her sister was in a volatile relationship. Alex said she didn’t really know all of the details because she wasn’t there. Nonetheless, in November of 2019, Caroline left school and returned to Rhode Island. Alex said, “My sister was in a very bad place, mentally. My mother had sold our childhood home and bought a condo. She wasn’t planning on any of her kids moving back in. As soon as Caroline came home, her and my mother had a very contentious relationship. In fact, that was already happening back when my sister was a senior in high school.”

     Alex observed her sister speaking to her mother in a very aggressive way. She said, “My other sister Bethany and I never talked back to our parents. I never even raised my voice to my mom. Caroline would get very upset with my mom. One of the conditions for Caroline to come home and live with my mother was for her to go to therapy and address her anger issues. Caroline was not interested in therapy at all. She went maybe once. I tried to tell her how much therapy helped me, but she never really came around to the idea.

     My father also tried to help. We were all worried about her. She was planning on returning to school at URI for the upcoming semester. She was working as a CNA in the meantime. In August of 2020, Caroline took a trip to visit her friends in Kentucky. She stayed for two weeks. Alex said, “When she went back to Kentucky, she was partying a lot like most 21-year-olds do. When her trip was over, she drove back to Rhode Island without stopping (about 16 hours and over 700 miles). I think she was taking Adderall during the drive home.

     The next morning Caroline was scheduled to have a Covid test. My mother got up in the morning and noticed Caroline’s car in the driveway. My mother wondered why Caroline was not at her Covid test. My mom opened the door to the bedroom and found my sister Caroline hanging. She had hung herself.” Alex received a phone call at work from her mother. She was screaming and crying. Alex listened to her mother on the other end of the phone telling her Caroline was gone. Alex immediately went to be with her mother. During our conversation Alex expressed deep sorrow for what her sister had done. Because of the experience Alex had with her boyfriend a decade earlier, she felt under different circumstances, she might have been able to save her sister Caroline. Alex said, “My sister was gone and that was really, really tough. My mother was absolutely devastated. I know how much it affected me finding someone hanging and he lived. It affected me tremendously, to extreme degrees.

     Imagine finding your own daughter and not being able to save her. It was just so much. My mom was never the same after that. Part of me feels like she left when Caroline did. It was devastating trying to pick up the pieces after losing my baby sister. We did everything we could to help my sister it just wasn’t enough. Part of me also believes Caroline was not in her right mind. She was coming off whatever drugs she had taken. Drinking and partying with her friends and then driving home for 16 hours straight. Who really knows what that does to your mind. I honestly don’t think she meant to do it and that’s really f—— sad.” A beautiful celebration of life was held for Caroline. An entire community of family and friends were left in shock.

     Alex carried on as best she could. Fate would intervene in her life when she met Cody Harding. The two connected right away. Cody had recently lost both of his parents to health issues. The two met while experiencing mutual extreme grief. It brought them together. They were inseparable after that. The two were able to comfort each other. The timing was impeccable. Alex introduced Cody to her family. Alex recalled, “When Cody met my mom they quickly developed such a deep bond. She became the mother figure Cody was missing. My mom was able to step in and be that for him. The bond they had right off the bat was so beautiful. That first year of holidays was so hard for everyone. Cody without his parents and us without Caroline. We got through Thanksgiving and Christmas together. It was sad but it was really great having Cody there. He brought this level of levity to everything. He is so funny. Cody has this way of making my mom laugh so hard. I mean to the point where she couldn’t breathe. We laughed and cried through the whole thing.”

     What came next for Alex is best told in her own words. She said, “My mother is from Maryland. She decided she was going to move there, part-time. My grandmother is there. My mother had a longtime friend there. They had known each other since she was five years old. He has a really nice farm with all this land and my mom loved being there. They planted a memorial garden for my sister Caroline together. His name is Chris. He is a great guy. But my mother felt like she was missing her community in Rhode Island. She was struggling trying to decide between the two places. In time, she moved back here. When she came back she seemed super sad to me. At times she was out of it. Subsequently, she got worse and worse. In May of last year, I was extremely worried about her. She would come to my house, and I would cook for her. She stayed overnight a couple of times. She couldn’t go back to work because it was too hard for her to talk to people. She was so sad, and crying a lot. She did decide she was going to go back to work. Around this time, she started saying really weird stuff, talking about her will, and things like that. Everyone was very concerned.

     She was at her job for 20 years. Her boss was like family. He called me one day when I was at work. He was very worried about my mom. He wanted her to seek professional help. He went to my father and my mom’s closest friend, Amber, to try and convince her to get some help. They were able to convince her, but she changed her mind pretty quickly about it. She spent a week in treatment. When she came home, she continued with therapy. Then one day I was at work (again) and my dad called me. He wanted to know if I knew where my mom was. She was supposed to have been at work an hour earlier but no one had heard from her. I had her location on my phone. She was at her condo. The cops went to her condo and my mother had done the same thing that Caroline did. She hung herself. It was too late.”

     At this point Alex let out a much needed long sigh. Her eyes were full of tears. She kept her composure and dignity sharing this heartbreaking story. The weight of everything she shared was firmly on her shoulders. Alex continued, “It was a similar situation where we had tried everything we could to help her. Just like with my sister. My mom was never the same after Caroline left. Life just got to be too much for her. It sucks because weeks earlier, my mom promised me she would never do what Caroline did, ever.”

     The tragic death of Alex’s mother Gayle was in June of 2022. The whole ordeal is still like it happened yesterday for her. The day after, Alex had the daunting task of telling everyone her mother was gone. She had to make some very tough phone calls. Alex was numb and in shock. She kept asking herself what she should do next. In fairness to Alex, how could anyone know what to do after a second family member took their own life. In less than two years, Alex Walsh lost her baby sister and her mother. Operating on pure instinct, Alex began planning a second celebration of life. This time, for her mother. Alex said, “We aren’t a super traditional family by any means. For my sister’s celebration of life, Covid restrictions limited the number of people who could attend. We had it on the grounds where my mother lived. It worked out really well. I knew I wanted to do a similar thing for my mom. One of my best friends, Justine, and her fiancé own a house in Richmond. This house was actually the childhood home of one of my other best friends, Jaime. I was in this house every single day during high school. Jaime offered to host my mother’s celebration. I started planning right away because I knew there would be a trillion people who would want to attend. I didn’t want anything formal like any type of sit down mass. I wanted something vibrant and full of life like she was. Everyone stepped in and helped. It was really beautiful. It was very unconventional. That’s who we are.”

     In the following days Alex knew she needed to take a break. She explained, “I knew right away I was going to need some time off. I decided to focus on dealing with what happened. I didn’t want to block it out, and just move on. I decided to really deal with it. I was being gentle with myself. I spent time with friends. Two months went by. My boss asked if I wanted to try coming back to work. I decided to give it a try.

     In the days leading up to going back, I was having panic attacks. It was hard to breathe. I was having so much anxiety. I love where I work. Everyone is so great including the customers. I know 95 percent of the people who walk through the door by name. So, I decided to give it a try. I’ve always been good at masking my feelings. I know how to leave my personal life at the door when I walk through it. After everything that happened, I don’t know how to have small talk anymore. My mom had said the same thing to me when she tried going back to work after Caroline was gone. How do you talk to people? When people ask what have you been up to, how do you answer that? I felt the same way my mom did. I don’t know how to have a normal conversation with someone anymore. In a work environment, I’m not my old self anymore. Bringing that extra level of service and care feels like too much for me to give to people. I feel completely drained and emotionally exhausted after. I’ve come to the realization that I don’t know when or if I will ever go back to the restaurant industry.”

     Alex made the decision to take care of herself. She knew in her heart she needed to. She said, “I found a therapist. She is an incredible woman. The initial goal I set was to feel ok enough to get back to work. That has evolved and shifted since then. I’ve discovered I was working so much I never gave myself time to pursue my true passions.”

     Although Alex enjoyed her time in the restaurant Business her true passion is being a makeup artist. When she began to talk about this subject her energy shifted into high gear. Her eyes opened wide. Her face lit up. It reminded me of when a phone needing a charge gets plugged into a charger and is suddenly at full power. It was clear to me what her true passion is. She enthusiastically explained, “I’ve always loved doing makeup on the side. I’ve done some wedding makeup. I really didn’t like that because it’s a little boring. I like to do a little extra, more flamboyant. I’ve always done my friends Halloween makeup. My friend Jaime gets her picture taken a lot, and I’m her go-to for makeup.

That is something I want to pursue more seriously. I’m not really sure what that looks like yet. I’ve always been obsessed with makeup. When I was a kid I would do makeup on my Barbie’s with gel pens. When I was little my mother would buy me a cheap CVS pallet with a billion colors. Then my sisters would sit for hours as I did their makeup. I want to put myself out there. I need to take videos, post pictures, and tutorials. I think it would be so fun to do drag makeup. The level of artistry and over the topness. I could do wrestling makeup. I watch AEW and get so livid watching sometimes. I see some bad makeup. I have so many good ideas. I could do it way better than what I’m seeing on TV.”

     In the wake of so much death, Alex Walsh is about to embark on a new life. She explained, “I think this time around I’m learning to listen to my mind and my body. I need to let myself rest. That can be really difficult for me. I need to grieve the way I want. People tell me what I need to do all the time. They say I need to distract myself. I need to go back to work. That might work for some people. That’s not how I operate. I struggle with guilt and shame because I’m not working. I was brought up to be industrious and hard working. I’ve always been self-sufficient and independent. My mom was the one who taught me all of that.”

     Alex is a gifted artist. Painting and drawing are in the DNA of this remarkable woman. She is also involved in Needle Felting. She said, “I make replicas of people’s Animals. It is a small Business I started. My mom used to do it. Its time consuming, and not a lot of people do it. Turns out I was really good at it right away. Then, when I was going through my mom’s things, I found all her needle felting stuff. There were some unfinished projects left for me. I thought that was pretty cool.”     

     Alex summed up everything when she said, “I’ve lived through insane trauma. It’s like my brain has been in a crazy car wreck. I broke all my brain bones. Now they need to be in a cast. For me, the only way to heal is to talk about things. You never know when your story might impact someone else in a positive way.”

     Alex and Cody live in the West End of Providence with their cat, Stevie Nicks.

     If you want to contact Alex for makeup or needle felting, you can email her at [email protected]

If you or anyone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988 or visit 988lifeline.org

     This article is in loving memory of Gayle Walsh and Catherine Walsh.   

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Brendan Higgins, writer and author, RIPTA bus driver, former professional wrestler (Knuckles Nelson), and North Kingstown resident.

We welcome Brendan as a contributing writer to RINewsToday.

To read a story about Brendan, from our sports department, go to: https://rinewstoday.com/knuckles-nelson-waking-up-from-the-wrestling-ring-to-the-yoga-mat-john-cardullo/

To read all stories by Brendan, here, go to: https://rinewstoday.com/brendan-higgins

Higgins is the author of “Waking Up: From the Wrestling Ring to the Yoga Mat