For most desis, the British royals merit no real opinion

You may have devoured every minute of The Crown, or you may loathe them with sulphurous passion. Or you may be as indifferent to them as a cockroach is to the terrified screams of, well, you.  But wherever on the fan spectrum you fall, the royal family is here to stay. 

Although they are on shaky ground. Their two most recognisable faces are battling the gravest of illnesses. One has had his car crash of an interview immortalised forever in a Netflix film. And the two black sheep of the family have flown off into the sunset to produce documentaries and write embittered memoirs. 

Cancer or black sheep regardless, the majority of desis are unable to care less about anyone in this most privileged of families. Princess Diana and the late Queen may have been categorically adored, but for the average Pakistani, having spent much of their youth swallowing Pakistan Studies textbooks, the monarchy is not an institution to be admired. 

Sponging off taxpayers 

“The royal family are the OG colonisers who have started so much coNFLict,” pointed out Fariha Khan, who works in the charity sector in Reading but grew up in Karachi. “They are nothing more than glorified figureheads who add very little value to the daily lives of UK citizens. The citizens, however, do pay taxes so they can continue living behind the high walls of their brick-and-mortar castles.”

The fact that the royals rely on the taxpayer means they don’t have a hope of being universally loved. When you add the horrific atrocities being committed across the world against Muslims, the royal family slips even further down the radar for desis living in the UK. In the words of one other British Pakistani, who wished to remain anonymous, “It is sad about Kate, but she has access to private taxpayer funded health care while millions in the UK struggle to get a diagnosis because of the government defunding the NHS. With thousands dying in Palestine without food, much less access to education, we need to be focusing on how to pressurise our leaders to find their humanity.” 

Widespread indifference, and rampant hatred

Many others have never thought to articulate their feelings about the royal family in such depth. Ask a random young British Pakistani off the street what their views on the matter are and the chances are they will regard you as if you asked them how they feel about the periodic table. They accept that the royals exist somewhere out there in a parallel universe, but to them, they merit no real opinion, other than the afterthought “I do like their weddings.” And the talk of weddings will spark a memory, leading to a trail of thought that begins with, “Meghan could have worn a little necklace or something round her neck, couldn’t she? I mean - it’s her wedding.” The trail of thought inevitably ends with, “That dress was a bedsheet. Total disgrace.” 

Of course, in the six years since donning on the said bedsheet, Meghan has upgraded her sins to well beyond ill-fitting clothes and lack of jewellery. A cursory glance through the British tabloid The Daily Mail, which routinely reports all the shenanigans of every royal, will leave you in no doubt that no viler beings than Harry and Meghan have besmirched planet Earth. However, many family-oriented Pakistanis, who would never think to read Islamaphobic right-wing press, mirror the same views about the Duke and Duchess of Sussex - although their reasons have nothing to do with race.

Meghan could have been a ‘beacon of hope’

“Meghan could have learnt a lot from us Pakistanis,” noted one anonymous British-Pakistani social worker. Having been raised in London in a traditional Pakistani family, she said, “As a person of colour, I’m very disappointed. She could have been a beacon of hope and bridged the divide between minorities and the aristocracy. She could have shown that we merit acceptance and representation. We pay for the royal family with our taxes - she should have known that publicity was the price she was paying.”

With Kate universally hailed as the perfect bahu, the same social worker pointed out how having to battle a culture clash is something Pakistani women do on a daily basis. “I am a Bihari, and I married to someone from UP,” she confided. “My husband and I speak the same language, but I had to let a lot of things go. I had to adjust. Meghan should have been able to do the same. I firmly believe women make or break the household. Meghan comes from a broken home herself, so she just doesn’t get it.” 

When it comes to the Sussexes, this is far from a lone voice in the crowd. One lady, who works as a personal assistant in Slough, minced no words in delivering her verdict. “Meghan is the worst thing that has happened to the royal family,” she said. “Some say Harry has done the right thing in taking away his family, so why don’t they just go away and do it quietly? Harry’s always stated that the media killed his mum, but he doesn’t ever stop courting the media! I think he’s delusional.”

A different viewpoint

Whilst the majority do feel shortchanged by the royal family, there are still those who look back fondly at the charity work Meghan engaged in at the beginning of her royal role. These are the same people who will automatically support anything renounced by tabloids. 

“Generally, the royal family are an economic burden on society, but I have to respect Harry for having the courage to break away from tradition,” said one anonymous science teacher from a Pakistani background. “As for Meghan, it’s obvious that the right-wing media of the UK hate her, so she gets my backing, in particular when she visited a Muslim kitchen and merrily cooked alongside hijabis.”

And even those who say they do not care about the family will always empathise with a woman driven away from her in-laws. “I’ve stopped caring about the royal family for a while, but I found it absolutely disgusting the way the media were gossiping about Kate,” remarked Ema Ahmed, who lives in Buckinghamshire but grew up in a Bangladeshi household. “No wonder Harry packed his bags and left with Meghan! The British media treat the bahus of the royal family very badly.”

One thing is certain. With the toxicity of the tabloid press plain for all to see, an autobiography consisting of sad little passages about getting the smallest room in Sandringham (yes, Harry, that would be you) is never going to be a book the public finds endearing.

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