How to Recognize Sneaky Narcissistic Traits in Mothers

Narcissism is a phenomenon in which a person with low self-esteem is afraid of losing authority in the eyes of others, and they begin to manipulate their friends, colleagues, and family to appear better than they really are. These people are so determined. We decided to imagine what it’s like to have your beloved mother like this.

They have a distorted perception of love and achievement, making it nearly impossible for them to make you feel good enough.

Their self-worth hinges on external validation and a facade of perfection. This creates a moving target for your worth in their eyes. You can achieve great things, but their praise might be laced with criticism, or they might simply shift the goalposts to a new, unattainable standard. This leaves you perPetually striving for an unachievable level of approval.

Additionally, their happiness is often transactional. They dole out affection when it suits them, leaving you confused about what truly earns their love. This inconsistency fosters insecurity and self-doubt, making you question your own value no matter what you accomplish. Ultimately, a narcissistic mother’s inability to offer genuine, unconditional love creates a core belief that you’ll never be good enough, regardless of your efforts.

Narcissistic mothers won’t let their kids’ successes overshadow their own.

Narcissistic mothers crave attention and view their children’s achievements through a distorted lens. While they might brag about their child’s successes superficially, they can’t handle being outshined. This stems from a deep insecurity and a fragile sense of self. Their child’s triumphs become a threat, rather than a source of pride. They may downplay the accomplishment, subtly criticize, or even try to one-up their child with their own past glories, all to maintain a sense of superiority.

She’s only worried about her own problems.

A narcissistic mother’s world often revolves around herself, leaving little room for her child’s emotions or experiences. Their own needs for validation and admiration take priority. They struggle to empathize with their child’s struggles, viewing them as inconveniences or attention-grabbing tactics. This is because the narcissist lacks the emotional maturity to see their child as a separate being with valid feelings. Their child’s problems become burdens to be managed, rather than opportunities for connection and support.

These mothers humiliate their children.

There are a couple of reasons why narcissistic mothers might resort to humiliating their children. One is to maintain control. By publicly criticizing, mocking, or exaggerating their child’s flaws, the mother keeps them feeling insecure and dependent. This fragile self-esteem makes the child less likely to challenge the mother’s authority or seek independence.

Another reason is to bolster the narcissist’s own fragile ego. Putting their child down creates a clear hierarchy where the mother is always superior. This can be especially pronounced if the child shows any potential to outshine the mother, triggering a need to cut them down to size. Ultimately, the humiliation serves the narcissist’s own needs for power and self-importance, leaving the child feeling emotionally bruised and diminished.

She makes kids feel guilty for getting something.

Narcissistic mothers often induce guilt in their children for receiving gifts or achieving success because it reinforces their own sense of control. They might make comments like, «You don’t deserve this, there are others who need it more,» implying the child is selfish for wanting something good. This guilt trip serves a few purposes.

Firstly, it keeps the child feeling indebted and obligated to please the mother. Secondly, it deflects attention away from the mother’s inability to be genuinely happy for her child’s good fortune. Ultimately, by making their child feel guilty, the narcissistic mother manipulates the situation to maintain the focus on themselves and their emotional needs.

She thinks she always deserves the best.

A narcissistic mother’s belief in her own deservingness stems from a distorted sense of self-importance. Deep down, she craves admiration and validation, and views herself as superior to others. This iNFLated ego convinces her that she deserves the best in life, regardless of her actions or contributions. It’s a constant need to be seen as special and entitled.

This sense of entitlement can manifest in various ways, from expecting lavish gifts and unwavering support to feeling justified in cutting in line or bending the rules. For a narcissistic mother, the «best» isn’t just about material possessions, but also about the constant flow of attention, praise, and control that reinforces her grandiosity.

Her love is unstable. When she needs something, she’s kind. When she doesn’t, she’s rude.

Narcissistic mothers often exhibit a transactional kind of love, where affection is dangled like a carrot. When their needs are unmet, their self-absorption takes center stage. They might become critical, dismissive, or even cold towards their child. Conversely, when they require something — maybe errands run, emotional support, or a public image boost — the kindness faucet turns on.

This emotional inconsistency leaves the child confused and insecure. They never quite know what version of their mother they’ll encounter, creating a constant state of walking on eggshells to avoid the unpredictable shift from loving to cold.

She cares too much about how other people see her.

A narcissistic mother craves external validation and uses how others perceive her as a mirror for her fragile self-esteem. Her self-worth hinges on admiration and a cultivated image of perfection. This makes her hyper-aware of how others view her, particularly in her role as a mother. She might brag excessively about her child’s accomplishments, not necessarily out of pride, but to reflect well on her own parenting skills.

Conversely, any perceived shortcomings in her child become a threat to her image. She might downplay their achievements or even criticize them publicly to maintain a facade of control and superiority in the eyes of others. Ultimately, the well-being and genuine connection with her child become secondary to managing the public perception of a perfect mother and family.

She complains about people that do something against her will.

Narcissistic mothers view any challenge to their control as a personal attack. Their rigid sense of self-importance dictates that things should go their way. When someone, especially their child, dares to act independently or disagree, it triggers a deep sense of entitlement being violated. They may lash out by complaining excessively, playing the victim, or attempting to manipulate the situation back to their desired outcome.

These complaints serve a dual purpose: firstly, to punish the person for disobeying, and secondly, to garner sympathy or support from others, further reinforcing their position of authority. Ultimately, a narcissistic mother’s complaints about those who defy her are less about the specific action and more about maintaining a power dynamic where she remains in control.

Narcissistic mothers are jealous of their daughters’ beauty. And they pretend to be caring.

A narcissistic mother’s insecurity can turn a daughter’s blossoming beauty into a source of hidden jealousy. They may outwardly offer compliments laced with backhanded remarks, like «You look pretty, but maybe try a different shade of lipstick.» This thinly veiled criticism undermines the daughter’s confidence while maintaining a facade of caring.

Deeper down, the mother might feel threatened by her daughter’s youthful beauty, a stark reminder of her own fading youth and potential loss of attention. This jealousy can manifest in various ways, from sabotaging the daughter’s attempts to dress up for an event to subtly comparing her looks to others. The narcissistic mother’s mask of concern hides a desire to control the narrative, ensuring her daughter’s beauty doesn’t overshadow her own.

She criticizes a lot but almost never gives praise.

Narcissistic mothers often fall into a harsh critic pattern for a few reasons. Firstly, their self-worth is fueled by a need for control and a sense of superiority. Constant criticism keeps their child feeling insecure and dependent, less likely to challenge their authority. Secondly, genuine praise can feel threatening to a narcissist. If their child is successful or confident, it might overshadow the mother’s own perceived importance.

Instead of celebrating their child’s achievements, they might downplay them or even resort to nitpicking flaws. Ultimately, the lack of praise becomes a tool for manipulation. By withholding validation, the narcissistic mother keeps her child striving for approval, a dynamic that reinforces her own sense of power and control.

They’re angry if someone else is in the spotlight.

A narcissistic mother thrives on being the center of attention. Their fragile self-esteem craves constant validation and admiration. When someone else, especially their child, receives praise or recognition, it’s perceived as a direct threat. This triggers a surge of anger because it disrupts their carefully curated image of superiority. They might downplay the other person’s accomplishment, subtly criticize them, or even try to steal the spotlight back to themselves with tales of their own past glories.

This anger isn’t about protecting their child, but about protecting their own iNFLated sense of self-importance. They can’t bear to share the spotlight, and their reaction reflects a deep-seated insecurity that can leave their child feeling confused and emotionally neglected.

Narcissistic mothers might constantly remind you of the things they’ve done for you.

One is to create a sense of obligation and guilt. By replaying a litany of sacrifices and favors, they make you feel indebted, making it harder to disagree with them or assert your independence. It’s a way to control you through emotional manipulation. Another reason is to iNFLate their own sense of importance.

Recounting their «good deeds» reinforces their narrative as the selfless caregiver deserving of constant praise and gratitude. Ultimately, these constant reminders are about them, not you. It’s a tactic to maintain power within the relationship and ensure you remain focused on their needs rather than developing your own sense of self.

These narcissistic traits can take a toll. But there’s good news! Our next piece dives into how these experiences shape you, and what you heal from it.

Linda received her grandmother’s antique clocks while her covetous brother inherited the house, only to find out her share was worth nearly $200K

A greedy brother inherits a house and mocks his younger sister, who only gets five rusty old clocks from their late grandmother. Little did they know about what was hidden in those timepieces.

“Oh, so grandma called you as well?! I thought you’d be busy in the library…like a good little bookworm!” 26-year-old Brian scoffed at his younger sister Linda, 19.

She had just stepped down from the taxi. Fear filled her eyes as her heart told her: “Nothing will happen to grandma. She’ll be fine. She’ll live for a hundred years more.”

Brian and Linda had come to visit their 90-year-old granny Marlene. She had requested them to see her urgently.

“Sweethearts, I wish to see you one last time. I might not get another chance again,” Marlene had painfully told them on the call two days ago…

As Linda entered her grandma’s bedroom, she coughed, noticing that it was pretty dusty. Marlene was too old and sick to do things on her own. She hadn’t swept the floor, and Linda saw the ceiling was moldy due to leakage.

Linda opened the clock, and what she found inside would go on to change her life.
“Grandma!!” she ran and hugged Marlene, who was in bed. “Nothing will happen to you, grandma. Please don’t worry. God will not take you away from us because you are all that we have.”

Until a year ago, Linda lived with Marlene. She took good care of her and helped her a lot. She was even ready to turn down a life-changing scholarship but moved to the city to pursue her degree upon Marlene’s insistence.

Brian entered the room, coughing and grinning. “Damn…I’m allergic to dust! Grandma, didn’t you sweep and dust your room?”

He came closer and saw his grandma was sick and skinny. But he was least bothered and stood there, waiting to know why she had called them.

Marlene stared into Brian’s eyes as she clasped Linda’s shivering hands. The girl was pained to see her grandma so pale and her eyes lacking that once beautiful spark. They looked lifeless.

Marlene smiled, getting up gently, and took two envelopes from under her pillow. “Sweethearts, this is for you,” she said. “Please use it wisely. I called to give it to you.”

Brian and Linda opened the envelopes and found a wad of $5,000 in each.

Linda could not hold back her tears and ran out crying.

Meanwhile, Brian frowned. “Only this much? I thought you had more to spare. Fine, I have to go now.” He turned his back on Marlene and walked away without even thanking her.

The next day, Marlene was in for a surprise.

“Good morning, grandma!” Marlene heard Linda in her bedroom. She didn’t expect her to return.

She awakened as the girl undrew the curtains, shafts of beams lighting up the dark, dusty bedroom.

She was surprised to see Linda. She had thought the girl had left for the city where she studied and was a part-time librarian.

Linda walked over to Marlene with the envelope she had given her the previous day.

“I added the $4,000 I’d saved over the year. Grandma, remember you told me about your poor vision? I now have $9,000. We can now pay for your eye surgery.”

Marlene rose from her bed. She hugged Linda, tears streaking her face. “I knew you better, darling! But it’s too late for the surgery. I can sense my death nearing. I don’t want to waste this money when it can be used for something better.”

Linda wiped away Marlene’s tears and said she would live with her.

“I’ve taken a month off. I’m not going anywhere until I see that golden smile on your face, grandma.”

And Linda knew what she had to do to restore Marlene’s smile.

Having Linda around was of great help to Marlene. She didn’t have to worry about cooking for herself.

There were days when Marlene would eat stale bread for dinner when she never felt like making herself a nice meal. But after Linda came, she started feeling on her feet again. Marlene had never felt so relaxed and happy before.

One day, she heard strangers’ voices outside her bedroom and went out to check. She was surprised. Linda had spent the $9,000 on renovating the house and fixing the leakage.

“I knew you wanted to repair grandpa’s treasured house for a long time. Are you happy now, grandma?! I renovated it so that you see the beautiful house you once lived in with grandpa. Do you like it?”

Marlene was speechless. She walked to Linda as fast as her fragile legs could carry her and hugged her. Marlene had never cried like she wept on Linda’s shoulders that day.

Marlene often made a wish. “I want to die when I’m the happiest on earth!” A week later, her wish was fulfilled. Marlene died in her sleep, leaving Linda with more than a broken heart.

A couple of days after the funeral, Linda and Brian were called to the lawyer’s office regarding the late Marlene’s will they never knew about.

When they got there, they were told about another surprise inheritance.

“Mr. White, according to your grandma’s will, you’ll be getting her house. Here are the papers. Please sign them.”

Linda was startled. She was not jealous of her older brother, but it worried her because she had renovated the house, and Brian got it when he least deserved it.

“And Miss Linda, this is yours,” the lawyer said, pushing forward a box toward Linda.

“What is this?” she exclaimed and opened the box. She found five old vintage clocks inside. Brian burst into laughter and began mocking her.

“That’s hella insane and cheap!! Grandma left her house to me. She knew who deserved the best. You can decorate your rented apartment with these rusty clocks and cry over it, sis. Luck does not favor everyone!”

Distraught, Linda left for the city, taking the clocks with her. She never bothered to check them thoroughly until one day when she noticed an engraving on one of them.

“OPEN IT!” was etched in a beautiful cursive font on the metal.

Curious, Linda opened the clock, and what she found inside would go on to change her life.

“A note?” she exclaimed and picked a little scroll from the clock’s interior. She unfolded it and sat back, stunned.

“Never underestimate these rusty, old watches! They are 100-year-old classic timepieces that belonged to my grandfather. And they are crafted from rare, exquisite metal! Each piece is worth $40,000, my dear!” began the note.

Linda’s eyes filled with tears of joy as she read further.

“Everyone gets what they truly deserve, Linda! I’m glad you got only the best. With Love, Granny Marlene.”

Linda burst into tears as she held the vintage clocks close to her heart. They still functioned, and she could hear them tick close to her heartbeat. It felt as though her granny had not gone anywhere.

Linda chose not to disclose this to her brother.

“He is blinded by greed and thinks he got the best from grandma. Let him live with that assumption. Granny knew who deserved the best and I needn’t prove it to him!” she thought and kept the rare timepieces locked in her drawer.

What can we learn from the story?

Everyone gets what they truly deserve. Brian mocked Linda when she inherited only five old clocks from their grandmother. Little did he know that she had actually gotten what she truly deserved because each piece was worth over $40,000.
Love and accept your elders for who they are. You will be loved back a hundredfold. Linda loved her grandma unconditionally and cared for her without expecting anything in return. Ultimately, she inherited a surprise $200K worth of legacy after her granny’s death.

Share this story with your friends. It might brighten their day and inspire them.