How to Cope if the Election Didn’t Go Your Way

Every presidential election is consequential, and therefore potentially stressful, but this contest seems to carry added weight. In a recent poll conducted by the American Psychological Association, 77% of people surveyed said that the future of the country was a significant source of stress, and 56% said they feared that the election results would spell the end of democracy in the U.S.

That stress and anxiety will no doubt extend beyond Election Day. What if your candidate didn't win? After emotionally investing in a candidate’s policies and character, how do you reconcile the inevitable feelings of disappointment, anger, and additional anxiety as you confront the reality of living under a leader you didn’t support?

How to manage the storm of emotions

First, say experts, give yourself time to process the strong emotions churning after the results are announced. “Begin by acknowledging your feelings,” says Lynn Bufka, deputy chief of professional practice at the American Psychological Association. “If your candidate loses, it’s certainly expected to feel disappointment, and even anger, hurt, and sadness." Recognize these feelings instead of rushing past them.

Even naming the swirl of emotions that may buffet you in the coming days can be productive. “If you’re experiencing several different emotions at once, good research shows that if you can just name each emotion and sort through them one at a time, it helps to reduce their intensity,” says Jenna Glover, chief clinical officer of the mindfulness and meditation app Headspace. “So taking the time to say, ‘I feel betrayed because…,' or 'I feel angry because…,' or 'I feel fearful because…’ can level set and allow you to feel your emotions without getting lost in them.”

One of the simplest ways to achieve this is by unplugging from the constant news cycle and not allowing yourself to spiral into a rabbit hole of comPeting feelings. “If the election doesn’t go the way you hope, it’s doesn’t help to hear analysis of what happened,” says Glover.

Don’t get lost in "what if"s

It’s easy to get overwhelmed by "what if?" possibilities, often focusing on the worst-case scenarios of what will happen to your life and the country as a result of the election. "It’s important to stay focused on the present," Glover says.

There's one exception: plan ahead to do activities that you find calming or comforting, like a walk or workout with your best friend, or even some time alone to stew. “If you think Wednesday morning is going to be rough, then don’t schedule big meetings,” says Bufka. “Don’t make big decisions if you have strong emotions going on.”

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Mindfulness techniques and meditation can also be useful to ground your thoughts and help you focus on the present rather than on the unpredictable future. That may be as simple as taking time to focus on your breathing, and using the rhythmic cadence of your breaths to calm yourself. “It’s about what you can control,” says Glover. “And for some people, it’s focusing on breathing in and out.”

Rely on your own experience

When emotions are running wild, it may be difficult to put things in perspective and remember that you’ve experienced challenging times before and found ways to cope. “We help people look back on their experiences in past elections—in 2016 and 2020, where they might not have had the result they expected,” says Shye Louis, assistant vice president of clinical standards, training, and practices at the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. “We talk to people about the past to inform what they might do now—what helped and what didn’t to get them through, and trying again the things that helped.”

Reminding yourself that elections come and go can also put your emotions into perspective. “A single election does not define the future,” says Glover. “Elections come in cycles, and while the results will have an impact, any single office and any single person can only have a limited amount of impact.”

Get enough sleep

Sleep and anxiety are closely related; anxiety can lead to disrupted sleep, and disrupted sleep can fuel stress and anxiety. Both can be amplified by the fact that under stress, it’s easy to forget basic strategies that can improve sleep. Louis says 988 counselors remind people of those fundamentals, which including turning off TV and phone screens, drawing the shades to darken the room, using a sleep mask, and decreasing distracting noises. “Sometimes when we are feeling anxious to the point where we feel distress and are in crisis, we don’t think to do normal things,” she says.

Glover suggests unplugging from any media about an hour before going to bed and avoiding stimulants before bedtime. “During stressful times, I also strongly recommend progressive muscle relaxation, a simple activity of tensing and letting go of muscles throughout the body. Doing it right before bed is associated with a greater ability to go to sleep and leads to more restful sleep.”

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For those whose anxiety leads to oversleeping, “get outside and get some sunlight," she says. "Even getting outside for five minutes can be helpful in setting up natural rhythms that help the body maintain restful, restorative sleep.”

But sometimes, those strategies aren’t enough, and when anxiety is leading to consistent disruptive sleep, experts can help. “If you have serious symptoms and are not able to eat, or are not sleeping or sleeping too much, and you notice your mood is changing and your behaviors are changing, pay attention to them and reach out for help,” says Matt Kudish, CEO of the National Alliance on Mental Illness of New York City. Kudish himself noticed he wasn’t sleeping as well over the past few weeks, and reached out to his provider to ask if there was anything more he could do. “There is no one solution for everyone, but most of us aren’t equipped to figure out the right solution on our own. And the good news is that you don’t have to—there are people to talk to and places to go to get the help you need.”

Don’t be shy about asking for help

Kudish stresses that there should be no stigma or shame about reaching out if you’re feeling anxious and don’t know what to do. “Too many people white-knuckle it and hunker down and don’t take the steps that may be beneficial for them,” he says. “A change in your sleep, eating, and your mood doesn’t mean you’re having a mental-Health crisis. But they are something you certainly want to pay attention to.”

Start by connecting with people you trust and with whom you feel comfortable, and air out your worries and concerns. If your stress symptoms continue, it might help to talk to a mental-Health professional, who may offer therapy, medication, or other tools.

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Glover agrees, noting that having a non-judgmental third party to talk to can help people reset their spiraling emotions and gain perspective on what the election results mean for them. “Everybody has had experiences in the past where somebody was elected whom they didn’t like,” she says. “But life continued and moved forward.”

Find ways to gain control and exert action

If the results aren’t what you had hoped for, then finding ways to take action to support your views can also be productive. Find ways to volunteer for causes you believe in, or attend city-council meetings and become more knowledgeable about your local leadership and political system. “You can’t change the results of the election, but each person can have impact,” says Glover.